A Reddit user shares a situation with her life partner and explains why she wants to control the finances and budget even though she has no income.
The original poster (OP) explains that she and her partner have lived together for over ten years. They had each previously gone through ugly divorces and chose not to get remarried. While living together, they worked jobs with similar pay and controlled their combined finances equally.
OP explained that she had had a chronic illness since she was young. Recently the condition had gotten to a point where she could not physically go to her job anymore, so she had to quit. OP has been trying to supplement her income with part-time remote work, but it’s not much.
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He Took Over All The Financial Decisions
Once she quit her full-time job, her partner “cut her off” and took over all household financial decisions. OP would not have a problem with this, except that her partner does not manage the finances well. For example, OP stated that her partner does not stick to a budget and has been late on several bills to the point where the service was shut off.
When OP asked her partner for access to the account to help manage the bills better, her partner refused, stating that it was his money, so he should have sole control. He even became defensive, asking OP why she should decide how his money is spent.
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Who Should Be In Charge?
One Reddit user commented that OP’s partner treats her as a dependent instead of a partner and sounds resentful of the not-working.
Another Reddit user agreed, saying although OP is in a long-term committed relationship, her partner isn’t treating her like a partner at all. They add that OP’s partner’s behavior is unacceptable because he is putting her in a situation where she borrows money to get the power turned on.
Another Reddit user pointed out that the amount of money was never the issue but rather the partner’s lack of responsibility. They said, “The issue is not who pays. The issue is that he is incompetent at adulting if the bills aren’t paid in time.”
Should OP be allowed to help with the financial decisions, although she no longer has a full-time job? Is OP’s partner wrong for not letting her access any of the accounts? Are these issues going to cause problems in their relationship?