How to Be a Better Wife: 15 Forgotten Ways To Improve Your Marriage

Whether you feel like you’re in a struggling marriage and trying to avoid divorce, or you just feel that your marriage is lacking that spark it once had, there are many things that you as a wife can do to improve your relationship. Change starts with you, so if you’re wondering how to be a better wife, check out this list of ideas below!

A successful marriage is hard work. It takes a lot of sacrifices and compromises to maintain a happy marriage. But all it really takes is the desire to stay married and the willingness to work at it, and you have the power to improve your relationship and create a lasting marriage. 

15 Easy Ways To Be A Good Wife & Prioritize Your Marriage

1. Avoid Being Passive-Aggressive

There are four basic types of communication; passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Women tend to sometimes lean toward being passive-aggressive, which can be detrimental to a relationship. 

An example of passive-aggressive behavior would be when you ask your husband to take the trash out, and he’s taking too long to do it, so you angrily take it out yourself while having a poor attitude. Or you are sick of him leaving his socks on the floor, so you start throwing them away instead of picking them up for him. 

The only form of communication you should use with your spouse or anyone is assertive communication. Communicating assertively means expressing exactly what you want without being rude, mean, or defensive. 

For the socks example, just speak to your partner and say, “When your socks get left on the floor every day, I tend to get frustrated because I already have so many things to do, and I would rather not have to clean up your clothes before vacuuming. Could you please put your socks directly into the hamper to lighten my load of chores?“

That statement was honest; it asks for what you want and doesn’t come off as if you’re attacking him. 

2. Don’t Talk Negatively About Him – Talk Him Up Instead

Problems in marriage are normal. It can be easy to vent to your friends, family, or co-workers about the things your husband does that you might not like. But try to restrain yourself from doing this. Instead, make a rule that you will only share the good things about your spouse with others. 

In most cases, the only people you should talk to about marital problems are a marriage counselor or an unbiased third party that might have some insight. You should try discussing any issues you have with your spouse with them directly first, then consider getting some outside help if that doesn’t seem to work. 

If you feel you’ve done all you can, see if your partner would be willing to go to marriage counseling with you. A marriage therapist can be a great, unbiased presence who isn’t there to pick sides or make anyone feel like they’re being ganged up on. 

Marriage counseling can be a safe place to work through issues with intimacy, resentment, forgiveness, adultery/infidelity, pornography, or any other disagreement or marriage crisis. If your husband is unwilling to go, you should at least consider therapy for yourself. It can be a safe place to discuss your marriage without causing further problems. 

3. Learn His Love Language

One of the most common marriage problems is not knowing your partner’s love language. If you haven’t heard of love languages, read up on them! They came from a top-rated marriage book called The 5 Love Languages. 

The five love languages are: 

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Acts of Service
• Receiving Gifts

Simply put, each person has specific ways they enjoy being shown love. A lot of times, spouses’ love languages differ. And where most couples go wrong is that they tend to show their spouse love in their own love language rather than their spouse’s love language.

For example, if your love language is receiving gifts, you might show your partner love by giving them gifts because that’s what you would want. But maybe your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, and they prefer to be told how much you love and appreciate them rather than receiving gifts. 

Be sure to talk to your spouse about love languages so you both can determine what your specific love language(s) are. 

4. Give Him Some Space

Sometimes he might just need some space. And the odds are the clingier you get, the more space he will want. Try giving him that space regularly, and he will likely take the initiative to spend more time with you without you having to beg for it. 

Let him partake in hobbies, time with friends, or even just take a nap on his day off. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just try to let him do it. Everyone has different ways of recharging after a long day or week, which might be different than yours. Give him his time, and be sure to ask for some time for you, too! 

5. Prioritize Intimacy

Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy marriage. This includes physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy. If you are struggling with being intimate, try changing things up. Don’t be afraid to initiate. 

Have an open conversation with your partner about what they like, don’t like, if they want to do anything differently, etc. Couples often suffer in silence rather than talking about it, leading to resentment and other marital issues. It’s important to be open about how you feel about intimacy in marriage. 

If you are struggling with being intimate because of your own insecurities, working through those with a professional can be a game-changer for your relationship! Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. 

6. Voice Your Appreciation for All He Does

No matter your family dynamic, your husband likely feels like he does a lot for the family, and everyone likes to be noticed for their hard work. Even if you feel like he doesn’t do enough, praising him for what he does do will likely encourage him to do more or keep up the hard work he does now. 

That little bit of appreciation goes such a long way. It can give him the encouragement he could be lacking to keep going at whatever he does for his family. Whether it’s work, staying home with the kids, or anything else.

7. Serve Him Daily

To serve your husband does not mean to wait on him. It means to do things for him out of love. You likely already serve him in many ways, such as making him dinner, doing his laundry, etc. But try to serve him one way each day he may not expect, even if it’s something as small as leaving him a sweet little note. 

If you serve him, it will likely inspire him to serve you as well. It’s a great way to keep the spark alive in a relationship and let the other person know you think about them and love them. 

8. Ask Him About Himself

Ask him daily about work, his hobbies, his interests, etc. Just get him talking. Be sure to really listen when he talks. Talking can be a great stress reliever, and you are a safe place for him to do that. And odds are, he will then ask about your life too, and you will also have a place to get that release. 

Even if you have no clue what he’s ever talking about, ask him about it anyway! Asking your husband about himself is a great way to let him know you care about him. You care about what’s on his mind, how his day goes, etc. 

9. Partake In His Interests

Your interests might not be the same or even close to what your spouses are, but it can be good to go out of your comfort zone and partake in some of his hobbies with him. Even if it’s not something you enjoy, do it with a positive attitude! It’s a great way to spend time with him, and if he’s happy – that will make you happy. 

If you offer to do things with him, he will probably offer to do things with you too, and who knows… maybe you will find out that you enjoy each other’s hobbies more than you thought you would! 

10. Greet Him When He Comes Home

It can be easy to just throw the kids at your husband first thing when he walks through the door. But try to get into the routine of giving your husband a hug and a kiss every time he gets home from work. 

You have both probably had long, hard days, no matter your roles. It can be a great reset to show your partner some love when they come home. And greeting your spouse when they come home is an easy way to be affectionate and show gratitude. 

11. Compliment Him

After being married for a while, the compliments tend to decrease a little, or sometimes a lot. Try to compliment your spouse at least a few times each day. Be sure to switch it up. 

This doesn’t just mean their looks, but maybe you compliment how hard of a worker they are, how great of a parent they are, how smart they are, etc. Share with your partner all the things you love about them. 

12. Support His Goals & Dreams

Being a spouse is to be a lifelong cheerleader for them. In all that they do or want to do, cheer them on! If your husband has huge goals and dreams, do what you can to support them in it.

If you feel there’s nothing you can do to help him accomplish his goals, at least be a positive vocal presence. Tell him you believe in him, and ask him if there’s anything you can do to help him. 

13. Try Not To Be Hyper-Critical & Don’t Nag Him 

Women have been stereotyped as constantly nagging, controlling, and hyper-critical. And sometimes, this might be the case. But all of that negativity is toxic to a relationship. When a person feels overly criticized or constantly not doing something right, they are likely to shut down and do even less. It becomes a cycle.

Everyone is imperfect, including your spouse. If you can try to be less critical, your spouse will likely step up their game. If you are going to “complain,” try to do it using assertive communication to ask what you want in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel like they aren’t good enough. Check out this guide to avoid nagging your husband an communicate effectively. 

14. Choose Your Battles

Choosing your battles goes hand in hand with the last point of being hypercritical. Decide if something is worth arguing about before you lose your cool. A good general rule of thumb is to stop and think, “will this matter a year from now? Will I even remember it?” If the answer is no, don’t fight about it. 

 If your husband left his dish on the table, that’s probably not something worth getting into a fight about. Just put it away for him. If it’s something he does all the time and it’s starting to drive you crazy, then maybe consider a calm conversation about it, rather than nagging or blowing up on him. 

15. Take Care of Yourself

One common problem in marriage is that wives don’t get their own needs met, and the stress and turmoil from this run over into their marriage. If you aren’t finding ways to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, you might start to take out your frustrations on your spouse. 

Make sure you are taking time for some self-care, prioritizing your needs, and working through any personal issues you might have. If you’re not doing okay mentally, being a happy, healthy wife and mother is challenging. 

Final Thoughts On How To Be A Better Wife:

You might be thinking, “why should I have to change and do all these things when my husband doesn’t do these things for me?” It’s important to remember that change inspires change. If you make changes to yourself, it will likely cause your partner to make changes too, sometimes subconsciously without even knowing it! 

Even if you feel like you’re in a broken marriage, it’s never too late to save your relationship! A great marriage is one that has two people who never stop making marriage work. And while there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, hopefully, these marriage tips and tricks can help improve your relationship with your spouse, and you can work towards getting that newlywed spark back and living happily ever after! Remember, every marriage can be a good marriage. 

This article was produced and syndicated by Parent Portfolio.